Necessary Evil

I usually discuss the above when lecturing on slavery in the South. But today, it has a whole new meaning. Read with caution.

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try
to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For
those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for
taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING:
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
In your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where
it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the
full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
smell has left your pants.

FLY BY:
This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in
and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
going into the bathroom

ESCAPEE:
This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It
is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water .
This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
Stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone Walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be
avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.


OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn
proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet
Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under his or her arm. Always look around the office
for the Out of the Closet Pooper before entering the
bathroom.


THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
of the Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.


SAFE HAVENS:
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in
the building where you can least expect visitors. Try
floors that are predominantly of the Opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.


TURD BURGLAR:
This is someone who does not realize that you are in
the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop
at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.



CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall is called a
Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON,
or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is
Very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.


ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will
remove all doubt
That the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire,
leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper Can poop
in peace.


WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash
when hitting the toilet water. This is also an
embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming
on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the
Toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD:
An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger
around forever. This person could spend extended
lengths of time in front of the mirror or Sitting on
the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax
while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as
well as other bathroom attendees.

my celebrity look alikes

Okay, I totally stole this from my friend's site. Thanks Synrgy! This is hysterical. I personally love the MALE celebrities I apparently resemble. Oh and sadly, the picture of me is funny too. A coworker took that fun little snap while I was completely unaware. Anyway, check it out and try it for yourself.

http://www.myheritage.com

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday is tomorrow which means the beginning of Lent...which means it's time for me to step up and give up some of the things I love. Every year I call on the old faithfuls - giving up soda, caffeine, chocolate, and my ever so trailer trash favorite - cursing. This Lent kind of sneaked up on me so I'm not fully prepared as to what I plan on dismissing or gaining for the next 40 days. I'm sure I will call on my favorites, but I'm thinking about really taking stock of things and seeing where my I, as a human, need improvement. After all, Lent is a time of introspection. I guess I only have a few hours left until I have to make the call and 40 days to make sure I follow through.

Old memories

Krissie sent a bunch of pics from her first trip to Fiji when she was about 7 or so. I had to post this one, check out the daisy dukes. And her family, they are so sweet. Many of them have since passed away. The woman sitting in front is her grandmother, who in Fijian is called Boom-Boom. To carry on tradition, this is also what sweet little Reagan calls Krissie's mother.

It won't be Fiji, but I can't wait for a little fun and sun myself in the Bmas. I need it in a bad way.

pj style

I love this video. This is Mimi, Leslie's girlfriend, and another friend of theirs showing their groove off. Enjoy.

Still kicking

Yo, I'm still kicking. Just bogged down trying to grade and getting ready to give tests. Then the real grading fun will begin. So without commenting, what's up with the ceramic heads from the Athens visit? I'm confused on that one. But oh yes, the porch will always be familiar. I've spent many an hour sitting on that front step, sipping coffee and dragging a smoke. Still coming this weekend? Just for some entertainment. I accidentally said 'shit' tonight in class. I'm really losing my edge.

ATL resturants

Ash and I tried a new restaurant tonight. I'd heard good things about it from a friend...not that the food was the absolute best, but that the experience and atmosphere were great. Ash had the fried chicken and I had the chicken and dumplings. The food was actually quite enjoyable (although the chocolate cake we shared for dessert was a bit dry). The restaurant was very cozy. Imagine Martha Stewart's barn converted into a massive pale blue dining room. That would be this restaurant. Overall we'll go back, but it might be a while....

after all was said and done, the bill was far more pricey than the experience warranted.

Fire in Knoxville

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH8bMY_6Yy0

My friend sent me this on youtube. Her friend actually filmed this from his apartment. It's just kind of sad. Apparently it was an old building circa the 1800s that hadn't been kept up in years. Now it's gone. Someone pointed out that at :51 you actually see a wall collapse.

happy birthday to you...

Heather-

Happy birthday from 377southpopestreet!

Wishing you the bestest birthday!

(katie)

athens pt 2

i had to take a picture of the original 377southpope street. it just looks so sad now. we had some good times there....

the front right window was my bedroom. the front stoop was home to many late night conversations... wink wink.

man i miss that place!
on a side note- we ate at two great restaurants this weekend -
5&10 for dinner last night and Mama's Boy for brunch. Both were fantastic! I, of course, forgot to take a picture of my breakfast this morning. Just so you know though...it was corned beef and potato hash with two poached eggs in a chive hollandaise. yeah, good, right? oh and sister and i shared a granola and yogurt parfait that was to die for. i'm just saying.

here are the desserts from last night...great food!

Athens

Athens was a blast! Here are some shots from the weekend. Oh, I have loads more to post. And will do so shortly.
Mary Ellen, how was your weekend? Did the party go okay last night? Call me soon!

Ugh

The weather has just been so shitty all day. On top of that, somehow I've managed to catch some kind of stomach bug. Yep, the bathroom and I were well acquainted today. My classes were cancelled, which was good, but also kept me stranded, with my neighborhood roads pretty icy. I know, I know, cry me a river. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. What I wouldn't give to be somewhere like this.